The Night I Disobeyed

It was just another Friday. Uncool, non-partying senior that I was, I looked forward to a quiet night at home.

Like a jolt, the thought hit me. “Call so-and-so.”

I froze. Shook my head. No way. What would I say?

“Share the gospel.”

My eyes widened. Stomach clenched. But I’m not in the cool group! I could never call that person! Way too awkward. 

My afternoon shot, I tried to busy myself and quiet that still, small voice.

No. I’m sorry. I just can’t.

Time passed and the gut-wrenching eased. My mom returned home that evening. Her words stopped me cold.

“Did you hear about the accident?”

Breathe, Rebekah.

“What accident?”

She told me. The brother of the person whose name had pierced me hours before had wrecked coming home from a party. He didn’t make it.

The wave of icy hot guilt has never totally left me from that moment. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d obeyed the still, small voice to share the gospel with that person too popular for me to normally call.

It’s a pain I never want to feel again.

If I believe there is a God, and I do, if I believe He directs our paths, and I do, then I must also acknowledge that at times He moves me. I wish I’ve always obeyed that moving. I’ve NEVER once regretted obeying.

So many people ask why God chooses for bad things to happen.

I don’t think He does.

I think God moves His people to act.

And sometimes they don’t.

So with my heart pounding, I beg forgiveness from the one I didn’t call that day. I did call you years later, and it was a wonderful conversation. I was too chicken to tell you the whole story. I still am. I’m terrified you’ll blame me as much as I blame myself. I am so sorry.

I’d still keep it as my deep, dark secret, except that tonight I have that same burning “you have to share this.” Call me crazy. Maybe I am. But I’ve lived enough life now to know that God does move us. And we’re crazy not to listen when He speaks.

What has God told you to do? Are you listening?

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7 thoughts on “The Night I Disobeyed

  1. Gosh, I’ve been there! The sickening gut is indescribable when we don’t obey what seems like the still, small voice, but in reality is the most audible voice that matters. Thanks for sharing, Rebekah.

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      1. Dearest Rebekah Love,

        Your blog photographs are awesome and the blog titles are so captivating I want to read them all! smile

        I started with the first one “The Night I Disobeyed” and I can relate to the guilt of disobedience a million times because I had a verbally, abusive father who over-corrected me and my siblings. (Yes, that is why I became invisible.)

        Have you read any of Singapores’s Pastor Joseph Prince’s books on Grace vs. the Law? I suggest UNMERITED GRACE and DESTINED TO REIGN. Prince’s sermons are very much Old & New Testament orientated with Jesus Christ as the main topic and how he fulfilled the Law through GRACE (he has sample sermons online YouTube).

        Joseph Prince grew up with the daily milk of law sermons and became a self-concious, and a guilt ridden Christian until God opened his spiritual eyes to the Grace of Jesus! He says, ” I am not free to sin, but now I am free to not sin”.

        Prince helped me to not only forgive myself but to see Jesus in a new light. God told him to explain that the Judgement Seat of Christ will be a happy time for God the Father because He gets to reward His children for all they did for HIM because of their love for Him and for people. Yes, we will see our “self-works” burned up but it won’t be a big fan-fare, for all to see.

        Today, Preachers still preach the law, ignore grace, and their congregations go home defeated & depressed! For the first time I understood God’ Grace and now I am guilt free & looking forward to the Judgement seat of Christ where my Father will be smiling!

        Sorry I wrote a post on your post.
        God’s Grace to You,
        Kathy M Storrie/author of FANNIE & WILKE/www.kathystorrie.com

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi Mrs. Storrie,

        Thanks so much for writing a post on my post! I agree, the grace of Jesus has freed me from despair. There’s much I don’t understand about His grace, but I do know the more I learn about it the more free I am and the less I want to sin. Thank you for your edifying words. There’s no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. The more I dwell on that mercy and unmerited favor the more I want to flee to Jesus. Thank you again so much. I look forward to praising that grace with you around the judgment seat. God bless you, my friend. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Rebekah, I couldn’t comment right away. It brought back my own gut-wrenching times of disobedience. I’ve tried to allow them to be motivation to not make the same mistake again, but there is still definitely pain and regret associated with them. May we be quick to obey in the future, since we can’t change the past.

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